Sorrowful

I'm sitting here in shock right now, not sure really what to think, what to say, anything. All I feel is sorrow...but not sorrow coming from me, but sorrow that the Lord must be feeling right now along with Father. I've been talking to a friend tonight and she just revealed that she's intent on leaving the Church and walking away from everything. That's a shock in and of itself, but there's so much more to it.

I went out with this girl a couple of summers ago. I thought she was a very stalwart individual and that she had some great characteristics, and that she was worth getting to know better and pursuing a deeper relationship with. Granted, things only went to a first date, but we still became close friends after that.

Over time, this friend has revealed many troubling things to me. The biggest is that she is homosexual and has no intention of marrying a guy and starting a family. Other things have included past drug habits, drinking issues, sexual drive, worldliness, etc. Knowing about her past made things easier to relate to her, but it also revealed a harrowing situation that was likely not winnable by me alone. Be that as it may though, I did my best.

Last summer, it was a close call for her prior to when she went to BYU-Jerusalem. She believed that she, along with her friend, had received revelation on her on that the practice of polygamy was to be re-instituted into the church and that she was to become the 2nd wife to some man. After many hours of discussion and time on my knees and pondering of the scriptures, I was able to testify to her of the incorrectness of her perceived revelation. After bearing witness to her through the Spirit, she eventually saw the error of her ways, and abandoned her previous practices, and returned to full activity...or at least that's what she said.

We've recently started talking more again (we've always talked now and then, but never in too much depth), and I've gotten to know her much more than I have in the past - only not necessarily in a more positive light. She has revealed to me that she had been drinking last week, and her different physical desires for certain things, and that immediately got me worried. I bore witness where I could and listened and tried to resolve concerns with this girl over the last few weeks, but as time progressed, I came to the painful realization that it may all be in vain.

The big conflict with me is how I can read people though. I know that my perception a couple of years back in thinking that she was a potential eternal companion was not entirely wrong. Granted, some of it may have been hormonally-driven, but I wouldn't have asked this girl out in the first place had she not exhibited some desirable qualities. I mean c'mon people - if you know me, you know that I don't date, much less interact with people that I don't see some benefit or break even point in doing so with.

Basically, I think that the adversary has gotten to her and that she has become kind of blinded by perceptions of things. She's made her decision to leave the Church, and I can only just stand by and watch. I can't make her stay, and to try and force the issue would only lead to bitterness. I just hope that the Lord blesses her, and more importantly, hope that he touches her heart once again so that she might return to the fold. As for me on my end though, its just a lot to swallow all at once, and is weighing down on me heavily tonight.